another dream...3rd one within 3 weeks...

[allforHim]

i haven't been having a whole lot of dreams until lately. and i usually do not get responses here. but here goes anyhow...

i am called to a family meeting. i am the odd-man-out, the black-sheep, of my family. that's my feelings IRL, and exists in my dream, too. I am not ready to hear sarcasm and empty promises of love and kindness from them...never, never anything fruitful from them to me. just fluffy words (in real life too). i feel inside that i have to keep my composure. don't let my emotions take over my mouth. good judgment. quiet tongue. still mind. listening ears...I am praying for God's peace...praying His seeking out my heart's attitude...making sure that no stone/sin is covered...earnestly need to be right in spirit. that was hard pressed on me to be right in Christ regardless what lies within this family meeting.

i walk into the room where everyone else is. i was the last to arrive. it feels stressed to me...they were all getting along and laughing, smiling, etc. but then quieted down when i got there. not completely. was aware it could just be my perspective entering the room. they wanted to just get down to business about things. what things I asked? they wanted to talk/address things about me and my husband and how our relationship was affecting the rest of the family so negatively. Did i hear this right? The very people who have disowned me and called me names say its my fault? I asked how I offended them to make amends. they only repeated their opinions, negative opinions of me and my husband. I told them this was hurtful and needed to stop right away. this was not how we are to handle this. the oldest sister and brother said that was one good example of my being so pushy...that I always have the right way to do something better than they, after all, they are the oldest and have the most experience and maturity in life.

I checked my heart right then. Father? what's going on? if there be any pride in me...I desire to not have it and give you permission to move by your Holy Spirit to search me through and through this very moment... I then asked, with my head still bowed, why didn't you open with prayer and ask for God's guidance and wisdom and His peace to prevail among us? My brother clenched his teeth and shook his head. My oldest sister put her hands on her hips and shook her head. They said they shouldn't have to if I just would mind my business and leave things to them.

I felt so sad. I felt so...disgusted. I knew this meeting was supposed to be about taking care of our elderly mother (which happened in real life over 2 years ago, to the day i had this dream.) I looked up at them and asked why they didn't keep their promise to mom? Why, as the eldest children, did they not act on their words...let your yes be yes and no be no. I asked why they were giving all their monies to the church and other charities when their own mother can't pay her medical bills and mold is growing on her walls? they started screaming and yelling at me and calling me names. I was very collected and spoke with a soft voice. I didn't want to be condescending, or mean sounding...just....normal sounding.

I kept looking inside my heart. Lord, I am angry. I feel disgusted over how they have..."misbehaved". I then realized that although in my own ears I heard my words, I was actually speaking in tongues to them. huh?! Upon realizing this, i began to second-guess if it was from the right spirit or not. I kept asking if it was by the Holy Spirit...then my ears heard the language and it resembled chinese/mandarin. Ok that's weird. was there an evil lurking inside me that the Lord was showing me that needed to be rid of? I began praying harder and the tongues were harder/more intense. My thoughts began to go to the lost...i spoke this to my family and said this meeting was frivolous finger-pointing and we should all be joining in one spirit to pray for the lost, heal the sick...even raise the dead!!!!

it felt like doubt was surrounding me to overtake me in a way. I just wanted to make sure I was right in spirit with my savior. everyone was so angry with me...and i had no clue why. we were supposed to be like minded through Christ Jesus.

I woke up. My heart aches. This is my family life right now. I believe an attack...trial....test, etc., may be near. My prayer life is not what it used to be...it is lacking. My faith feels weak...trampled. I do not want to be an unbelieving generation.

[bjcollin]

If this dream was from the enemy then its purpose is to continue to sow seeds of discord and division and doubt between you and your siblings. It needs to be commanded to go in Jesus name. If this dream is from God then it is showing you how the enemy is acting between you and what is going on behind the scenes. Sometimes as Christians, we become the black sheep of our family when the rest of those around us are are acting Christian in name only and we just need to be strong and show God's love. The true mark of a Christian is LOVE, and they'll know we are Christians by our love. Watch for how love is shown as it is always the tell tale heart so to speak of what is really going on in a persons heart and what is truly driving them. Hope this helps you some way.

in Christ,

[allforHim]

thank you bj. i responded here, in sharing fruit, that it may encourage others: viewtopic.php?f=16&t=39398 (i hope i did the link thing right!)